


Hold Me Close (Until I Wake)

by lothalmoons



Series: Kalluzeb Valentines [6]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Established Relationship, Kallus has a crisis, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Zeb gets injured, the meteorite makes an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 08:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lothalmoons/pseuds/lothalmoons
Summary: “Why did you do this?” he asked his comatose partner, unable to drag himself out of the moment. “What did you get out of this? Because it looks like all you got was shot.” There was no response, obviously, but it broke him to be met with silence. “I hope that whatever you wanted, you got, butkarabast, Zeb, why don’t you ever think of the cost?”





	Hold Me Close (Until I Wake)

He was going to kill that fool Lasat - absolutely, positively _kill_ him.

If he didn’t die of his injuries first.

Kallus looked at Zeb lying unconscious in the makeshift bed much too small for him in the medbay much too unequipped to deal with serious injuries aboard the _Ghost_. He stole a glance at the wound just above his stomach, now bound up, still bleeding slowly through the bandages. He winced as he imagined being shot square in the gut by blasters that had been designed to kill. 

Controlled by the anxiety welling deep in his insides, making him sick, he set his gaze upon the heart monitor next to the “bed”. It was still beeping, rythmicly, quick enough that Kallus knew his lover was in no danger of slipping away in the next few moments. He heard the slow, level breathing of Zeb next to him, aided by an oxygen mask. In. Beep. Out. Beep. The two sounds almost made a sick sort of song.

“Hey, Kallus?”

He turned his attention to the quiet, gentle voice coming from behind him. He saw Kanan standing at the entrance of the medbay.

“Oh, come in.” Kallus could no longer look away from the heart monitor, from the ever-redder bandages, from the cloudy oxygen mask. He assumed Kanan had entered the room but was startled at the soft hand that touched his shoulder.

“How’s he holding up?” Kanan asked.

“Well, the wound hasn’t stopped bleeding,” Kallus replied. He sighed. “Vital signs are stable… finally.”

Kanan nodded. “You should go,” he said calmly, knowing he’d be met with retaliation, “There’s nothing more you can do for him.”

“What do you mean go? I can’t leave him! He might… while I’m gone… I can’t…” He felt his throat tighten up, and words refused to leave his mouth. He felt tears well in the corner of his eyes as he was wracked with guilt that seared deep into his core. 

“Kallus.” Kanan removed his mask, staring into Kallus’ eyes with his unseeing gaze, though he knew the Jedi was aware of the tear threatening to trail down his cheek. “Zeb is going to be fine. He’s strong; you know that, but he has to work through this himself. You can’t do anything for him now, but he would want you to take care of yourself.”

Kallus still hesitated. In. Beep. Out. Beep. He glanced between his wounded partner and the blind Jedi. 

“I’ll stay here with him if you want me to.”

“Please.” His voice was shaky, as if it could not even handle a single word without collapsing and initiating a wave of tears. 

With each step towards the door, Kallus felt the building pain as he imagined leaving his lover for the last time. Zeb was going to be alright, he logically knew. He would see him just as soon as he humanly could. In. Beep. Out. Beep. Unfortunately, logic does not have a place in situations like those.

It was late at night, or early in the morning depending on who one asked, as Kallus stepped into the medbay. He had had something to eat, or rather, had food shoved in front of his face that he could not take more than a bite from, and was ordered to bed. For a few short hours, he had tossed and turned so violently that he had woken up when he smashed his previously broken leg against the unforgiving metal. He knew a bruise would appear by sunrise. Kanan had heard the thud from the medbay, having stayed there as he had agreed to, and had gone to check on him - not for the potential physical injury.

“I’m sorry,” Kallus had said, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I’m fine. Can’t sleep?”

“... no.” 

“Well I’m going to go, if that’s alright with you.” Kallus hadn’t replied. “Zeb’s fine by the way,” Kanan had added, knowing that was the reason Kallus had been unable to calm himself down. “His condition is the same as when you left.”

“Of course.” Kanan was about to leave before Kallus had added in haste, “And Kanan? Thank you.”

Kallus gazed at the form below him. Zeb appeared so peaceful. He pictured Zeb, asleep, next to him on their bed. Kallus would run his fingers through the velvety fur as soft snores emanated from his lover. Zeb especially seemed to enjoy, even as he slept, when Kallus ran his fingers over his ears. Every so often, his ear would twitch and he would let out a satisfied purr through the snoring.

There was no snoring now - just cold machines and robotic beeps - but Kallus still ran his fingers up and down Zeb’s arm. The fur was just as soft as when Zeb was in his own bed, or on the couch, or out in the sunshine at base, and maybe if Kallus just focused on that, he could force himself to forget where he was.

“Why did you do this?” he asked his comatose partner, unable to drag himself out of the moment. “What did you get out of this? Because it looks like all you got was shot.” There was no response, obviously, but it broke him to be met with silence. “I hope that whatever you wanted, you got, but _karabast_ , Zeb, why don’t you ever think of the cost?”

Zeb had gone missing, completely, and was only found a whole week later when an urgent call came in from Ryder, informing the _Ghost_ Crew that their “purple friend” had been captured by the Empire and was being held in Lothal City. That was the first anyone had heard about Zeb - he hadn’t even been authorized to take a ship, much less did he tell anyone where he was going - and they had flown faster than lightspeed to Lothal to rescue him. They had found him in the Dome, battered and beaten but still fully able to function, and freed him. They would have escaped, made it to the ship with no further injury, if Zeb hadn’t ran in the opposite direction of their escape route.

During the chaos, all Kallus could do was listen over his commlink as Zeb disappeared from him once again. He had screamed, cried, and ran for the exit of the _Ghost_ , forced back by Hera. He had been forced to stay behind because of his attachment would have no doubt jeopardized the mission, and if he had ran blundering through the Dome then, any hope of Zeb escaping would have been crushed. He had to wait it out, no matter how much it killed him.

And it had. The highs and lows and extremes of his emotions in those few short moments had been enough to send him spiraling. Zeb had been found again, Sabine running into him as Zeb had been racing from deeper inside the Dome to the exit, and the rescue party had converged with him once again. It had seemed as if everyone was in the clear at that point until the group had been intercepted by a squad of troopers, situated directly between them and the ship. Kallus had watched from the cockpit as Zeb was shot by one of the troopers. His cry had ripped through the air as Zeb had collapsed into himself and fell to the ground, paw grasping at his wound with the little strength, quickly ebbing away, he had left. Tears had streamed down his face in angry, desperate trails, yet his eyes had still been glued to the horror scene in front of him. 

Ezra and Sabine had managed to reach him and pull him out of the fire as Kanan created a path of escape. The two had tried in vain to keep him awake and stop the bleeding. Nothing had worked. Hands had become bloodied and ripped clothes had become soaked as Zeb had slipped in and out of consciousness, finally not opening his eyes, his blood covering the metal floor with a slick, crimson glaze.

The three had carried him back to the ship as carefully as they could, trying as best as they could not to jostle the wound which had already grown. Calamity had ensued as Zeb was brought aboard, and Hera had wasted no time getting the _Ghost_ in the air and away from the scene. Much of what had happened next Kallus didn’t remember. It had all happened so fast, in maybe a few minutes at most, and it had been so traumatic that even now, not even a day after, those memories were unable to be retrieved. All he remembered was seeing the contorted expression of agony on his lover’s face as his bloody form had been carried to the medbay.

Kallus, shaking now, pulled up a crate, and continued rubbing circles into Zeb’s forearm. A wave of fatigue washed over him, probably because of his sudden bombardment of emotion, and he felt the sting of his eyes as he let them close.

The next morning, the _Ghost_ arrived back on Yavin IV, and there was no time wasted in getting Zeb to a proper medical facility. Kallus was at his side as he was carted from the ship to a proper medbay, where he was hooked up to yet another monitor. It seemed like hours Kallus sat in the uncomfortable chair next to his lover’s bed, legs growing numb and back in a permanent state of aching, but he didn’t ever consider moving.

Finally a stir. They had been planetside for a full day, and Kallus felt it - a twitch. His eyes had been closed, but he wasn’t sleeping - he hadn’t been able to, and his energy spiked as he felt the almost unnoticeable movement of Zeb’s paw. He diverted all attention to the one lying next to him and felt it again, this time stronger. His breath caught in his throat; he didn’t dare to breathe lest he disrupt whatever fragile magic was happening before him. Each movement then became stronger and came quicker. It was then Zeb’s eyes fluttered open and his cloudy gaze cleared, fixating on Kallus who was speechless before him.

“Kal?” he asked, voice hoarse and weak. “Where am I?”

“Zeb?” he sputtered, only able to get his name out in hope.

Zeb reached down feebly under the covers to where his wound was, now properly bandaged up and no longer bleeding out. “Karabast,” he said, though it sounded almost unrecognizable because of the strain in his voice, “that doesn’t feel good.”

“Oh, Zeb,” Kallus cried, powerless to control the hot, wet tears pouring down his face. “I swear I lost you. Don’t ever do anything like that again!”

Kallus collapsed onto the bed and enveloped his lover in the softest, most forceful embrace, careful not to disturb the injury. His body convulsed and his tears wet Zeb’s clothes as he poured out his sadness and joy all mixed into one horrible, perfect, overwhelming emotion. For hours, that is how they stayed.

As soon as everyone heard the news, they went in to visit Zeb. Hera instructed Kallus to get something to eat, having had nothing for almost two days straight. The man walked with wavering steps out of the room, terrified to leave Zeb who he was scared would be unconscious once he returned, this all an illusion.

It, however, was not. Kallus had something small enough that his stomach would not complain but big enough that he would feel full enough to function, and before making it back to the medbay, he had collapsed from exhaustion against the hallway wall and was ordered to go to his quarters instead. His sleep, this time restful and uninterrupted, was something more peaceful than he had ever felt before.

It was early in the morning the next day when Kallus woke up with a panicked jolt. He hated himself for having slept so long, wishing to have spent all his time with Zeb, and wasted no time in rushing to the medbay. He entered to find Zeb sitting up, his eyes bright and posture almost straight.

“Fell asleep, huh?” he asked, his voice much less strained and cracked, but still far from its healthy state. Kallus looked ashamed, and Zeb let out a throaty but damaged laugh. “I’m glad. Don’t worry; I wasn’t waiting for ya.”

“I still feel so bad. I should’ve been here with you.”

“It’s fine, Kal. Kinda worked out actually.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, uh,” Zeb let out a nervous chuckle and when he tried to scratch his head, winced and lowered his arm, “I didn’t really wanna bring this up now, but I guess I have to.” Kallus gave him a look of confusion. Zeb cleared his throat and took both of Kallus’ hands into his own. “Kal, I think you should know why I just…up and took off like that.”

Kallus felt the impulse to interrupt with a sharp comment. Of _course_ he should know, but he kept silent. Something in Zeb’s voice sounded different, and it wasn’t because he was hoarse.

“Remember the night we rescued you? You were sitting on my bunk. You were holding ice up to your eye and I was putting bacta strips on the nasty cuts and bruises on your ribs, and we were talking - about everything really, but what stuck in my mind was Barhyn. You told me that was the night you changed - that I was the one who opened your eyes. Know what else you said? You told me that you kept that meteorite from that night because it reminded you of me, of us.”

“So I went to Lothal, to Thrawn’s office, to take back that meteorite. I know I should’ve paused and had second-thoughts. I know now that breaking into the Dome and not telling anybody wasn’t exactly a good idea and that there was no way I could’ve _not_ been caught sneaking in, but it’s what I had to do - for us.”

Zeb reached under the blanket and grabbed two small items hidden underneath the blanket. He opened his paw to reveal two pieces of their meteorite, each the size of a large jewel on a ring, attached to two golden chains.

“I wasn’t able to grab the whole rock,” Zeb said apologetically, looking down at the pieces of stone, barely glowing anymore. “After I was rescued by Kanan and the kids, I broke back into Thrawn’s office and broke off these two pieces from the meteor. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to take the whole thing, but I hope this is enough.”

“Zeb, I -“

“When you went to bed, I was able to get Sabine to bring in some jewelry chains for me, and I strung them up.”

“But _why_ Zeb? Why risk your life for a meteorite.” Kallus asked, almost desperately.

“Because it’s a symbol of that time we shared together. Because it’s a symbol of what binds us together. Because it’s a symbol of love, and I love you, Alexsandr. And I know this is all so crazy that neither of us know what to do, but I want to try. I want to figure this out. I want _us_ to work out.” Zeb’s tone had grown faster, feeling like there was so much he needed to say but that he didn’t have enough time to even begin to cover it all. 

“Zeb what are you saying?”

“Karabast, Kal, I’m asking you to marry me!” Zeb paused, only now hearing the words that were blurted out of his mouth. “So,” he said again, slower, calmer, but still full of pure emotion and a small smile, “what do you say? Alexsandr Kallus, will you marry me?”

The shock Kallus experienced at that moment was nothing like he had ever felt before. Tears welled up in his eyes, but they weren’t the same kind he had felt as he leaned over Zeb’s body in the cold night aboard the _Ghost_ ; he had to cover his mouth as to not yell and scream and cry. He looked at Zeb with disbelief, surprise, and love, all at once, his mind overwhelmed by the single question Zeb posed. He reached for one of the necklaces painfully slowly, as if he went to snatch it quickly it would disappear. With even more care, he put on the necklace, looking down at the piece of still faintly glowing meteor hanging from his neck. 

“Yes, Garazeb Orrelios,” he started, his voice hitching and a single tear breaking loose from his eye, “yes, I will marry you.”

It was the first time Kallus saw Zeb cry. It was ethereal. It was the first time Zeb could recall crying in years. It was overpowering. Zeb clasped his necklace around his neck as tenderly as his lover, his _fiancé_ , the meteor resting on his chest.

“It looks _perfect_ ,” Kallus said with unabashed honesty.

The emotion of the room was too much, and the two embraced each other, stones between them. Like that they stayed for what felt like eternity, not letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> I had originally posted this on Tumblr under a different title, but I’ve done so much editing to this that it’s practically unrecognizable, so why not change the title too?


End file.
